How To Be Great At Listening

Listening is a cornerstone of good communication. It is valued by many, but followed by very few.

What makes you feel important? Is it being given a lot of gifts? Being appreciated in public(fake or otherwise)? Or is it a simple act of being heard?

Listening is a skill that is often overlooked. People believe that good communication has good speaking as its cornerstone. This is not correct, good communication is about listening as much as being heard, if not more. But still, we often do not give it the same importance.

Being great at listening requires you to be deliberate in your intent and truly listen. Doing so is quite simple, but often not easy.

Remove Distractions While Listening

Being distracted while listening to someone is the worst thing you can do. It is often not intentional, it just so happens that your phone beeps while in the middle of a deep conversation. Ensure that if you sit with someone intending to listen, any hitting that can distract you is far away. There is nothing worse than a listener swiping away on their phones while you are having a heart-to-heart. Neither should you jump in the middle of them speaking.

Do Not Interrupt

A conversation is an intentional discussion of topics. Often the speaker has a train of thought while conversing. Interrupting someone while they are talking can derail their train of thought, try to avoid it. A good speaker usually pauses before moving from one topic to another. Use these pauses to present your point of view.

This interruption should also include a clarification/summary.

Summarise

A good listener should be completely tuned in to hear what is being said. It is always good if you can clarify any confusion or misunderstanding of what is being said in the pauses that a speaker provides. This makes the speaker feel heard and also helps you to provide a meaningful response.

Do Not Plan a Response

Although a speaker does expect a response, many times the response i secondary. People often tell you things just to be heard. Your responses should not be token responses but add to the conversation. At the same time, you should not be planning your response while the speaker speaks. Sometimes the responses come naturally to you, other times you can use the moments of silence to prepare a response.

Silence is Good

Silence is often awkward when it seems suddenly there is nothing left to say. But silence is a great opportunity to let both the speaker and the listener reflect on what was said. Such reflections help a meaningful response. Depending on the emotions involved these can also be good points of composing yourself independent of what you feel, and provide a practical response.

Listen To Understand

A big problem many often face is listening not to understand but to speak. Depending on whether this conversation is between like-minded people or not, the conversation often turns ugly. In such conversation, the speakers prioritize being heard, rather than listening. This often leads to arguments with neither party coming out satisfied. When you speak to change someone’s mind, it is more likely for them to stick to their point of view. Listening without judgment and responding accordingly is a great way to ensure open communication. You need not agree to everything, all you need to do is listen and understand. This ensures your responses are not biased, and you come out of the conversation with deep understanding.

What Next

The tips above are often not as easy. I often struggle to stick to these while having heated discussions. We often have people who go round and round in circles, without a pause. It is always good to be polite and understanding with such people. Having ground rules before having such a conversation would help too.

Listen to understand, and contribute meaningfully to the conversation. Not doing so leaves you as well as the speaker unsatisfied.

Hope these tips help you to ace the art of listening. Stay tuned for my future blogs where I will be sharing other important aspects of being an effective communicator. Next in this, we will talk about being an effective speaker.